Mar 29 2011

in honor of xanga…

so tonight i was perusing my old xanga and came across some pretty hilarious entries, more specifically the ones ranking my 50 most favorite and 50 least favorite things ever. in honor of xanga’s memory and in honor of my extremely witty unintelligent high-school self, here is the 23-year-old’s self top 50 most favorite things (in no particular order)

1) wendy’s new (and improved!) sea salt fries

2) nicki minaj

3) conspiracy theories

4) single spacing (which this damn entry is not doing!)

5) saying you’re “unavailable” on gmail but secretly you are because you want to fill important aka, want people to think you have a job.

6) los angeles

7) fish sticks

8) PAM, the no-stick spray

9) finding a chicken fetus inside an egg

10) puppies jumping over each other

11) said puppies licking you

12) having a cat lick your hand

13) kitten paws (ok, you see where this is going…)

14) velveeta mac & cheese

15) angry surfers

16) drake

17) pooping out corn (hey! you can’t digest it! whaddya know!)

18) pigeons pooping (again, another trend is appearing…)

19) raves

20) facebook fights

21) vomiting due to laughter

22) pokemon and this video

23) gay bars


25) funfetti cupcakes

26) loose change

27) fire

28) destroying electronics, e.g. vacuums, printers

29) hot dudes

30) tattoos

31) peeling bark off trees

32) drinking 1/2 a bottle of wine in 20 minutes (been there, done that)

33) putting tampons in water

34) putting said tampons in dudes’ faces

35) kicking bushes

36) the smell of incense

37) flossing

38) melting butter

39) turning on a red light

40) razor scooter-ing

41) cheap alcohol

42) xanga

43) facebook (not twitter)

44) high school track medals reminding you of how little you did in college

45) unemployment

46) spontaneity

47) stalled cars on the highway

48) pandas

49) allergy medicine

50) urban dictionary

after failing to create this list in less than 5 minutes i have come to the conclusion that i am no longer as funny nor as intelligent as i was at 18. sad but true realization that has rocked my post-graduate world. why did i become unfunny? i am pretty sure i used to be pretty funny in high school, or at least semi-entertaining to some. as of march 28th 2011 i am no longer entertaining nor funny. i don’t know how to become both of those again. maybe just become an animorph or something. omg. animorphs! 

Mar 04 2011

omegle part deux

oh my gosh. so i haven’t been on freakin’ omegle in a couple of days considering the following factors:

1) i have a life that includes a boyfriend, school and well, better things to do with my time.

2) school has consumed literally every hour of my waking being.

3) let’s face it, any anonymous online chat room is filled with sexual predators aka creepy old men that wait til their wives go to bed and then whip out the nast to some random, unsuspecting 15-year-old in ohio. wtf.

but anyways, decided to go on tonight due to sheer boredom and also the desire to laugh really hard. here is the first conversation i had:

Stranger: horny male here. looking for sexy female whose willing to trade pictures.You: HERROYou: no.You: but i will talk to you!Stranger: will you fuck me?You: no.Your conversational partner has disconnected.
what is wrong with people? i honestly do not understand. why does the anonymity of these chat rooms unleash the primal sexual desire that cannot be satisfied in these peoples’ REAL lives? (as opposed to fake lives…)
You: HELLO FRIEND!Stranger: V/P?You: what the hell is that? velociraptor or platypus?Stranger: V/P? frienStranger: V= vagina and P= penisYou: ahhh i just figured it out.You: wellYou: maybe a combination of the two.Stranger: dont make me boredYou: how am i making you bored? i pretty much just told you i was transgender and that is FAR from boringStranger: what is ur name frien?You: manuelYou: what is yours?Stranger: jessYou: where are you from jess?Stranger: venesiaStranger: uYou: where is venesia?Stranger: milanYou: italy?Stranger: yaYou: i was there in august actually.You: i am in the USStranger: oh coolYou: yesYou: ever smoked crac?You: *crack?Stranger: yaaYou: really?Stranger: mmm,…You: it is crazy huhStranger: yaaYou: when i smoked it the last time i hooked up with a bunch of porn stars and then proceeded to eat my couchStranger: manuelStranger: mmmYou: yes mmmYou: it was a delicious couchStranger: dont try to me me horny manuelYou: do you have a couch fetish jess?Stranger: oh,..manuel dont againYou: i knew it! you are a couch freak!Stranger: i dont like that questionYou: did you know that some people have wool fetishes? they are called wooliesStranger: let me tell u somethoingYou: yes?You: tell me jess from venesia.Stranger: I THINK U ARE MY SHIT FROM MY ASSHOLE,..BECAUSE U MAKE ME FREAK AND BOREDStranger: byeYou: see ya jessStranger: noYou: i thought you were leaving.Stranger: actealy i need friendYou: because i am your shit from your assholeStranger: sorryStranger: apologizeYou: why would i still want to talk to you. i am a sensitive transgendered american.You: it is okayYou: i forgive youStranger: thanks manuelYou: but actually i have to leave. it’s late her, goodbye.You: *hereStranger: anyway l;jawlfkdaz sckYour conversational partner has disconnected.
yeah, REALLY weird. pretty sure “jess from venesia” was some weirdo in brooklyn bored in his basement.
You: HEYYYYStranger: hiYou: you sound bored.Stranger: im notStranger: i said one wordYou: okYou: soYou: what’s upStranger: aslYou: 37 male ohioYour conversational partner has disconnected.WTF is up with people hating on 30-year-old males that live in the midwest? i don’t really get it. i have tried this multiple times and everyone disconnects after i tell them my “stats”. but if i tell them my real “stats” they are 9/10 VERY interested. interesting sociological points are raised (not to get all serious) from this topic.
You: helloStranger: hiYou: first thing’s first i was a hooker for 10 yearsStranger: ok, why did u stop?You: i got AIDS :/Stranger: i’m sorryYou: it’s alright.Stranger: you’re sick if ur joking about this just so u knowYou: no i’m really not.Your conversational partner has disconnected.
i guess i am sick. 
WTF! so my last one was really great until the dumbass disconnected. i was talking to him about sex predators and napoleon dynamite and the whole conversation was just really great. UGH.
that’s all folks.

Mar 01 2011


soooo i follow michael ian black on twitter and he is absolutely hilarious/completely disgusting. but i was reading his blog and i found a gem that cannot be overlooked: pretty much the chatroulette of 2011 without a lot of penises.

ok, just kidding. there are a TON of penises on this thing but it’s well worth it to have a conversation with a person from dubai or kuwait who begins the conversation with ‘SALAAM’ and ends with ‘NO SPEAK ENGLISH BYEBYE’. anyways, here are a few of my funny encounters. 

i am ‘you’ and ‘stranger’ is so random in god knows where.

Stranger: hi

You: hello

Stranger: m/f?

You: ehhhh kinda in between right now

Stranger: ah

Stranger: well i hope you find what youre looking for

Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You: helloStranger: hiStranger: aslYou: 31 male kentuckyStranger: 18 f usa nudes at ;)You: greatYou: i dont really careStranger: im hawt right?You: i dont know i can’t see youStranger: why/You: i guess your typing is hawtStranger: dont you like me?You: i dont even know youStranger: :’9Stranger: (Stranger: your so meanYour conversational partner has disconnected.————————————————————————————————more great conversations to come…

Jan 12 2011


every saint has a past and every sinner has a future

Jan 11 2011
1 note



Though I already posted this song on my Facebook I felt the need to repost it because of how influential I believe Skrillex will be in the upcoming electronic/remix scene. Skrillex aka Sonny John Moore is a 22-year-old from LA who’s claim to fame is the hardcore band From First to Last. This hits home for me considering From First to Last’s Dear Diary, My Teen Angst Has a Body Count  (2004) and Heroine (2006) played a large role in my hardcore-loving years. “Failure by Designer Jeans”, “Ride the Wings of Pestilence” and “The Latest Plague” were my favorites, eliciting the sort of hormonal teen angst in which every high schooler feels, whether they like it or not.

Sonny John Moore left From First to Last in early 2007 to pursue a solo career and by June 2010 had released his first EP My Name is Skrillex, only after providing vocals for hardcore band Bring Me the Horizon as well as embarking on a variety of other musical endeavors. By summer 2010 Skrillex released Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites on Mau5trap Recordings. The rest is history.

What is unique and interesting about Skrillex’s sound is the fact that he does everything in his power to create an actual being out of his music. In “Kill Everybody” he makes a purpose to take a variety of warped speech and noises to create an auditory monster. This monster creates visions of destruction and death, all the while maintaining a steady bass line that keeps the listener hooked and ready to dance. The rest of Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites does a fine job of maintaining that grotesque monster sound, infusing a splash of dramatic dubstep to upbeat melodies. 

Skrillex’s vision of creating a being out of sounds is forward-thinking and outside of the box. His ability to evoke such a powerful image and presence is nearly unprecedented in a world rife with trite minimal and Deadmau5-esque imitators. I have a feeling Skrillex is going to hit the electronic music scene even harder than he did when he was in From First to Last. This EP deserves a listen and definitely a place on every electronic connoisseur’s party playlist! 

It’s getting serious, people…the blog…



Jan 11 2011

Th3 F1RST p0st

All of you know who I am, either through Facebook or Twitter or Twatter or whatever. I am a nervous, enthusiastic, loud and at times stubborn girl (“I’m not a girl, not yet a womannnnn”) of twenty-two years who subconsciously refuses to be a part of mainstream society. “Mainstream society” means getting a job and being a normal, contributing person to the world and the universe. Anyways, I’ve decided to create this blog because of the following reasons:

1) I am bored probably 99% of the time (not a skewed statistic, B-T-dubs)

2) I am on the Internet probably 6-7 hours a day (no joke) watching YouTube videos of puppies, kittens, people engaging in Parkour, people eating crap while engaging in Parkour as well as make-up tutorials by a really cute Asian girl who is about 12 years old.

3) I truly and deeply love music and have for some time. 

4) Blogs are somewhat a rite of passage in Western society, kind of like losing your virginity or watching “Saved by the Bell” for the first time. Blogs are effing SERIOUS, people! SO DAMN SERIOUS! So maybe if I start a serious blog I’ll become a serious person.

That’s not going to happen.

5) I am a self-proclaimed hipster and I SHOULD have a blog. ******MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL THE REASONS*****

Anyways! Everyday I am going to post an MP3 or a YouTube video of music/artists I am currently obsessed with and write a little “BLURB” about them aka a REVIEW. The genres I am going to focus on are electronic, trance, house and minimal, not because these are quickly becoming mainstream but based on the fact that they are indeed the future of Western music. I will not call electronic artists “DJs” because in fact, a lot of them are not your typical club DJ who spins at Debauchery or Clandestine or Bacchanalia or any other pretentiously-named, seedy venue that caters exclusively to 13-year-old cokeheads. These are serious musicians with classical musical backgrounds who have decided to combine the past with the present, or should I say the future. 

*Cue dramatic tympany roll*

LOLZ! Anyways, here’s my brief musical background:

Played piano for four years until I quit due to laziness. Began playing percussion at age 13 under Gerry Polci of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. Played in a wide variety of alternative, emo and hardcore bands in high school, all of which were terrible but we thought we were the BOMB because we had a relatively large following. Listened to hardcore starting at age 15 and didn’t stop until college, where I discovered a wide array of electronic artists just waiting to be listened. I remain true to my hardcore roots, however, and still maintain As I Lay Dying as my top 3 favorite bands of all time. And as cliche as it is, everything from then is history, baby! ROFLs

Ok this is a really damn long entry. Keep reading and stay tuned for more kewl beans stuff! 

„Avantx (How determined is this name? It means “forward” in French. Told you this blog was serious.)